What a Wednesday

Whew. What a day. Seriously. I think i've thought a million times today: I should blog about this. Dumb stuff, but still. I like to share my dumb happenings/thoughts/findings with the world. So ready or not, here's my wacky wednesday update.

I saw a preggers lady today. Not just regular preggers. She was REALLY preggers. She was tiny, her tummy was not. And get she was walking around campus with a backpack on pretending like there wasn't a watermelon sized bump protruding from the front of her body.

I saw a beautiful man today. It made me happy.

I stayed awake in all my classes today. It was a miracle considering my early morning run.

This makes me super happy. I'd totally marry this guy.

Also, I love this:

I was on campus from 8 am to 7 pm today. Yikers.

2 weeks from today i'll be wisdom teeth-less.

I sat on this bench for two hours today, and I would really like to ask the designers of the JKB, why would you ever choose this bench?! Its awful! Its uncomfortable! It makes for a numb butt. And no one like a numb butt.

I had dinner with someone I really love today. Kaitlyn, you are seriously the best. You know when you just have a friend that you can tell anything to and you can just talk and talk and talk for hours on end about life and secrets and the world's most random happenings? Yeah well, Kaitlyn became one of those people for me last year. Today was the first time i've seen her since April. It was extremely refreshing, and it will be happening much more frequently from now on. I also got to see Bethany for a little bit, and she is just an awesome hilarious sweet little gal and I don't know why I wasn't better friends with her before this year!

Unfortunately, I HAVEN'T seen enough of this girl today. I know, I know, I live with her, how is that even possible? Well, I usually see her during the day. But I haven't seen her since I left her asleep in her cozy little bed this morning. I miss her. Lindsey, come home!

I got mail today. Its my moleskin planner. OH MY GOSH I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EXCITED ABOUT A PLANNER BEFORE. My lovely friend Rachel has used one for a few years now, and i've always been jealous of it. Well I finally ordered one for myself off Amazon and it came today! Unfortunately, I can't really start using it until the new year... but I might carry it around with me anyway because I already love it so much :) You probably think i'm crazy, but you don't understand. Its a pretty special little planner. Can you tell i'm excited about it?

I can't wait to get this shirt:

Lets see what else... I know there's more. But my wacky wednesday brain can't think of it. My looming New Testament test, Nursing Assessment pass-off, and sunday school lesson (that still needs to be prepared) are all screaming my name and drowning out the ability to think about anything else. I'll add more if (when) they come to mind.

Happy wednesday!

Comic Relief

To make up for yesterday's seriousness.

(Stolen from Julia's blog)

Becoming

*I'm warning you, these thoughts are severely scattered and unorganized. I have had lots of confusing and deep thoughts rolling around in my head for a while, and have been finding it near impossible to express them in a way that makes sense. But i'm trying anyway, because if I don't I might explode. I'd rather not explode. Not today anyway.*

"If you are not in the process of making yourself the person you want to become, then you are becoming the person you don't want to become."

Tomorrow is going to be the first day of the rest of my life. Tomorrow is going to be a big day. Its going to be a day of recommitment, rededication, realignment, and resolution. Over the last few weeks and months I have not been very good at working on becoming the person I want to become. Which I recently learned in Stake Conference means that I am steadily becoming the person I DON'T want to become. When I am not progressing, I am working towards making myself into an unhappy, unsatisfied, unhealthy human being. What an unsettling thought. Thus, its time for change. Change needs to take place in my life. Some big changes, some very little ones. These changes pertain to things that are spiritual, physical, social, mental, and emotional.

I am an extremely goal-oriented person. I figure out what I want, and then I go get it. Now here is a problem. It seems that I am also an all or nothing kind of person. I can be 100% committed, driving forward completely unstoppable, perfection is my only option. But guess what, perfection is impossible. So there are hiccups along the way. I run into one of those hiccups and all of a sudden boom, i've lost it. I come crashing down, deflated and defeated. I feel like a worthless failure. I give up and then just keep on pounding down a path of destruction because heck i'm already there, why not let it continue? And then after i've done plenty of damage to myself and often to others, I snap out of it and believe that I must immediately achieve the level of perfection once again. Its a completely destructive cycle that doesn't ever allow me to win.

I don't want my desire and goal to change to follow this sad pattern. I don't want to set unreasonably high standards for myself only to get discouraged and give up all hope of success. The changes that I want to make are not superficial. They are important. They are special. They are the things that will help me to become the person that I want and need to become.

Thankfully, I do not have to make these changes alone. There is someone who has felt every little thing that I have ever felt. He has experienced every feeling of loneliness, inadequacy, pain, fear, and despair. Jesus Christ's atonement covers every single bit of sin and sorrow that there ever was or ever will be. He suffered for this world. He suffered for us. He suffered for me. Because of his sacrifice, I am not alone. I have a Savior who knows me by name. He knows what I go through. He knows what I need and how to help me. He loves me and will never leave me. He will help me on my road to becoming. Because of Christ's sacrifice and resurrection, I know that I will achieve my ultimate goals someday. By doing all that I can to become the person that I need to become, by following his example and striving to be like Him, I will someday reach that level of perfection that I wish I could achieve now, and there won't be any more crashing and burning. Dwelling with my Heavenly Father and the Savior in the Celestial Kingdom is going to be the greatest blessing ever imaginable. I can't wait.

In this life, there will always be hiccups along the way to becoming. I know that. And I know that with help, I don't always have to crash and burn and fail. If I stay close to Christ, he will buoy me up and make me stronger. He will help me get past those hiccups and continue on with an upward progression. He has and will continue to put special people in my life who love me and will help me get to where I want to go.

I have so much to work on. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life, and its time to get to work. I will start my progression towards becoming the person that I want to become. What a journey it will be. I'm excited.

No, SUNSHINE's from CALI-FOR-NIA.

My parents are driving to California right now. LUCKY DUCKS. I wish I was with them because they are going to see these beautiful people:

My handsome brother Kevin and my gorgeous sister-in-law Carli and my adorable niece Paige. It has been too long since I have seen them. We video chat occasionally, but come on its just not the same as being right there to play games, have family dinners, go do fun things, and play with Paige to make sure she knows i'm her aunt Nettie! Kirstin's kids lived closer when they were little, and I have made more than a few trips to Utah and Texas since they left Seattle. Those kids know me and are used to me. I hate the thought of showing up to visit my future nieces and nephews someday and they either don't recognize me or they're not comfortable around me or I scare them or something. That would be so awful! I want to make a special effort to be that fun special (favorite!) aunt that they all love and want to be around because they know i'll play games and spoil them with stuff their parents won't buy :) So I think i've got work to do with precious little Paigey. I need more face time. More recognition. More interaction. Just Christmastime isn't enough.

Conclusion: I think I need to go to California. Seriously, I don't know how long I can resist this:

So, Kev and Carli, when are ya ready for me? ☺

19 things you absolutely don't need to know

1. i love rain. provo felt like home today. coming home to change out of my sloshy wet shoes and clothes into warm dry cozy sweats reminded me of typical fall and winter days in seattle.

2. i stayed up until 3:30 am last night. i never do that.

3. i still diligently wear my retainers to bed every night.

4. i saw the prophet today.

5. i have the coolest and funniest dad ever. he sent me this today:

6. i sent a text message today that i wish i could unsend.

7. i finally had a good solid healthy eating day today. it was much needed.

8. saturday's race has turned me into someone who can't walk on uneven ground (you want me to go down stairs?!) without wincing and grunting from some extreme quad soreness.

9. i fell up some stairs this weekend and scraped my leg. i've been a professional whiner about it.

10. i painted my nails green today. it took everything i had not to add red dots on top to make them christmasy.

11. i am extremely nervous to have my wisdom teeth out in 22 days.

12. i can be pretty dang good at wasting time when i want to.

13. i really love multi-grain cheerios.

14. i am so excited that my good friends elder bruner and elder twitchell both finally made it to brazil today.

15. i need to go on a money spending freeze.

16. funny people make me really happy.

17. this video pretty much made me cry today

18. i miss the days of being a kid and dumping my pillowcase full of halloween candy out on the floor of the basement to organize and trade and hoard and enjoy the greatness of sugar highs.

19. i am so excited for the holidays to start. so excited.